Cultivating Community Among Strangers

Recently, I performed an update on my blogroll, expanding it to encompass every single person currently in my RSS feed reader.

While my reading list includes a variety of topical newsletters and blogs, it also contains a significant number of acquaintances and, more interestingly, people I have never actually met. Previously, I reserved my blogroll for those I knew personally, but I've changed my perspective.

This shift was largely sparked by Frank Meeuwsen’s invitation for people to share their blogrolls. I initially intended to reply to him, but my thoughts expanded beyond 2,000 words, necessitating a full post.

As I move my digital presence away from the clutches of Google, I've decided to go "all-in" on human connection. This expansion of my blogroll is a key part of that journey. While I still follow many people via micro.blog (who aren't yet on the list), I'm taking things one step at a time. This piece serves as my entry for the November 2023 IndieWeb Blog Carnival, hosted by Alex Sirac, focusing on the themes of belonging and community.

A Pivot in Attention

Over the years, I have consciously migrated my news consumption. I've moved away from corporate publications and toward recommendations from actual human beings. However, this isn't just about where I get my news; it's about what I prioritize.

I am attempting to shift my focus: Gathering raw information $\rightarrow$ Seeking connection and sociability.

I want to spend less of my mental energy on "newsworthy" global events that exist far outside my sphere of influence. By avoiding the reactive cycle of national news—which is often engineered to trigger fear or anger—I find it much easier to notice the rhythms of daily life and the genuine concerns of individuals.

The Selection Process

My approach to following people is now far more liberal than it was during my social media era. Back then, I felt a strange pressure to only follow "creators." Now, I realize that since most people don't post to their personal sites daily, I have plenty of room in my feed for everyone.

(My apologies to those who follow me and have to deal with my three-posts-a-day habit! 😂)

When I discover a new personal website, my vetting process looks like this:

To get a feel for a new blogger, I use a mental checklist:

• Read the "About" page.
• Browse recent headlines.
• Check out their recent reads.
• Identify shared hobbies or curiosities.

I am especially drawn to perspectives from different global regions. I also strive for a balance in gender representation across my feeds, though it's a difficult goal to maintain perfectly. I calculate this balance as:

$\text{Gender Parity} \approx \frac{\text{Male Voices} + \text{Non-binary Voices}}{\text{Female Voices}}$

(Including newsletters in this equation helps bring the ratio closer to equilibrium.)

The Appeal of the Personal Blog

Personal blogs are essentially the "greatest hits" of fragmented social media. They combine the visual highlights of Instagram, the sharp commentary of Twitter, and the literary curation of Goodreads—all without character limits, silos, or frantic pacing.

Feature	Social Media	Personal Blogs
Intent	Signaling / Performance	Sharing / Generosity
Pace	Instant / Reactive	Leisurely / Reflective
Scope	Narrow / Algorithmic	Broad / Self-motivated
Format	Restricted	Hyperlinks, Photos, Long-form

I love the variety. I want your cynical take on tech culture and the song that's been looping in your head all week. I enjoy the mundane triumphs of "normal" people:

• A cat sleeping in a sunbeam.
• The way light filters through a forest.
• The satisfying geometry of lines on a city wall.

Unlike social media, which emphasizes the "show-off" moments—like a luxury kitchen remodel or a trip to Puerto Vallarta—blogging feels more authentic. It allows for a range of self-expression that is often too broad for offline social norms. Reading a thoughtful post and replying to it feels like a great conversation with a stranger, minus the awkward small talk.

More Than Just Strangers

Even if I never speak to every person I follow, the act of reading someone's thoughts over a long period creates a genuine, albeit one-sided, bond. This is a parasocial relationship, but it is a satisfying one that holds the potential for a deeper connection.

It reminds me of David Cain's concept of the "secret ally." As Roy Tang aptly noted:

"I write in public because we as humans have so much in common, even if we aren't aware of it."

{
  "status": "Expanding",
  "goal": "Community",
  "method": "RSS",
  "philosophy": "People > Events"
}