The Strategic Lie: "I Don't Have a Smartphone"

"I don’t have a smartphone."

This is the phrase I now deploy when dealing with the public and various professionals. I am lying, or rather, I wish it were entirely true.

By claiming I lack a smartphone, I can effectively bypass the modern corporate insistence on installing proprietary apps or the frustration of scanning QR codes just to view a restaurant menu on a cramped screen. In my experience, this is the most efficient shortcut to force others to find an alternative solution, allowing me to exist without being tethered to a screen controlled by an American tech giant.

The War Against "App-ification"

Nowadays, whether I'm purchasing a car or a simple kitchen gadget, I demand a guarantee from the seller that the product remains functional without the installation of multiple apps.

The Statistics of Resistance: In the previous year alone, I successfully fought off the installation of 18 different apps. The absurdity has reached a peak in the bathroom; I am expected to manage my toilet via a suite of apps:

• One for the seat.
• One for the flushing mechanism.
• One for the ventilation.

The Hidden Cost of "Quick" Apps

If we calculate the time spent on these apps, the numbers are staggering. Let's assume a minimal usage of 3 minutes per app daily (excluding updates or troubleshooting):

$\text{Daily Time} = 18 \text{ apps} \times 3 \text{ mins} = 54 \text{ mins} \approx 1 \text{ hour/day}$

Over a year, assuming 16 waking hours per day: $\frac{365 \text{ days} \times 1 \text{ hour}}{16 \text{ hours/day}} \approx 22.8 \text{ days}$

That is nearly 23 full days of your life spent staring at a screen for trivial tasks.

---

The Fragile Logic of the App Ecosystem

When a company asks you to scan a QR code or download an app, they are operating on a series of precarious assumptions.

To be more specific, the "App Requirement" checklist looks like this:

• Possession of expensive hardware.
• Sufficient battery charge to complete the process.
• A functioning Google or Apple ID.
• The mental bandwidth to focus on a screen amidst a barrage of notifications.
• Consent to surrender personal data and create an account.

If even one of these is false, the service is inaccessible. For instance, a Google account can be deleted arbitrarily, or a geopolitical shift could lead a US President to cut off services to an entire nation.

It is not I who am weird for refusing the app; it is weird that these systems are considered reliable.

---

Social Dynamics: Salesmen vs. Workers

Explaining these ten assumptions to a clerk is too tedious. Thus, I stick to the simple claim: "I don't have a smartphone."

I find the "mandatory update" argument illogical. If a device is offline and functional, an update is more likely to break it than improve it. If it doesn't work well offline, it isn't worth buying.

---

My Actual Hardware Stack

While I claim to be smartphone-free, I actually utilize a tiered system of devices to maintain my autonomy.

1. The Primary: Mudita Kompakt

My daily driver is a Mudita Kompakt. It is a minimalist device featuring an e-ink display.

• Nature: It is technically an Android phone, but it is entirely Google-free.
• Usage: I use it sparingly for essential tools:
  • Komoot (for navigation during rain/emergencies).
  • Comaps.
  • Online calendars and local transit schedules.

2. The Utility: FairPhone 3

I keep a repaired FairPhone 3 on my desk (after it survived a dip in the ocean). This is my "compliance" device.

Banks often believe that a pocket-sized piece of glass is more secure than a computer I own. Consequently, I am forced to use this phone for banking authentication.

I also use it as a sandbox to test apps. For example, to run Strava (which requires Google services), I use a specific workaround:

1. Enable microG.
2. Launch Strava.
3. Disable microG while the app is active.
4. Log in and proceed.

3. The Legacy: OnePlus 5

Hidden in a drawer is a OnePlus 5 from 2017. It has a cracked screen and a loose USB port, but it remains a powerhouse of simplicity.

• The Account: It is linked to a Gmail account from 2001 (from the era of invite-only access) that hasn't been opened in a decade.
• The Purpose: A fail-safe for when modern OS bugs (like those in /e/OS) break my banking apps.

Final Observation: The OnePlus 5 is thinner, lighter, and has a superior screen compared to many modern devices. It proves that, aside from the CPU, smartphones have actually regressed in physical design over the last ten years.